Anthea’s Eulogy

Words simply cannot describe the warmth and care that Anthea showed the people in her world.  To some she was the caring nurse who sought to make their suffering less.  To others, the wild child who danced the night away, such was her energy.   But for all she wove a golden ribbon of happiness and joy into the moments she shared in our lives.  To me, she was my confidant.  The many discussions we had into the wee hours of the night, the gossip shared but never spoken, the hard decisions over boyfriends that couldn’t be condensed into under ten pages of email... my little bubs, I always thought that I was helping you, it seems in the end you were my rock, my lighthouse, my comfort from the storm.  

I so looked forward to showing you my world dear bubs, we’d grown apart these years gone past but it was to time to reconnect, you and I. First London town, new friends, new times and then on to the festival in Munich city to share steins of beer and laugh aloud like times gone past.  Twas not to be this new chapter in our history, for you departed early, with a gracious bow, but without goodbye. So for all the places you left unseen, and the sights and people in-between, Sayonara, Farewell, Shalom, Slan, Kwaheri, teanastellen, elalleqa, Auf Wiedersehen, Ciao, Au Revoir & Adios.  So my dear, for the people that you will never know, the moments you will never enjoy, the laughter we’ll never share, I will carry you with me forever.... and ever.

2011 : A year to forget or celebrate

  Wow what a year this has been so far, to start at the beginning I would need to even remember what I wanted to achieve with this year and I struggle to do that as so much has happened, originally I thought that 2010 had been a particularly hard year in terms of upheavals and changes in my life but 2011 makes it look tame in retrospect.

  I started out planning on making 2011 a simple year (maybe that's my problem there) with simple goals to get fit and save some cash to buy a house in a few years time. Myself and a couple of mates planned on having a little road trip to wales in the hope of creating a bit of a tradition having been to Scotland in 2010 and repeating said adventures. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly in the first ten weeks of the year I'd stuck to my exercise and diet routine consistently for the entire time, and the road trip had been booked along with another holiday to see a friend of mine in Japan whom I hadn't seen for quite a while.

Its here in mid March where things start to go awry, I may have to take a step back here and give people some back story on the weekend in question.  If you've been following my blog for a reasonable amount of time then you would know that several years ago I packed my life up and spent six months traveling through eastern Africa having a ball of a time drinking and partying with some of the coolest people I know, on the aforementioned weekend in March some of the guys from this trip were meeting up at my flat in central London for a reunion of sorts to catch up with two of the guys we hadn't seen in a few years, Colin and Sam.  It was on this bright and sunny day in mid March that I got a phone call from my father to inform me in what has to be the briefest conversation I've ever had with him.
Dad: 'Ben I need to tell you something'
Me: 'Yes'
Dad: 'Anthea's dead!'
After much sobbing and crying into the telephone I asked one final question
Me: 'Was it the (motor)bike?'
Dad: 'Yep, Ben I've got to go, I'll call you later'
while I sat crying sitting on the edge of my sofa, two of the greatest of people comforted me and I'm not sure they realize how much I appreciated them being there at the time, anyone whose ever lost someone close will tell you that being alone when finding out this information would have been an even greater tragedy.  So thank-you to Naomi and Geppetto, in the chaos that followed I'm not sure I ever really thanked you.  The next three weeks consisted of much drinking and reminiscing which I won't go into detail here because I'm starting to tear up again but suffice it to say we made Anthea proud.

Should've posted this in April...

The people we casually say goodbye to everyday, the small moments of reminiscing that normally just make us nostalgic for times gone past. Today I had one of these moments with an old friend of mine, it was in regard to a trip to Scotland we had last year, and how a spontaneous decision at the last minute ended up putting us in front of the train bridge that is used in harry potter. It reminded me of how Anthea had been the one to make me start reading the harry potter series and how little that moment in Scotland would have meant without her. Its funny the connections to people we have and never shed light on until they are gone.

The next thing that's happened this year is that I've met a guy who makes me happier than anyone I've ever met, but to be honest we actually met in 2010 on a snowy night in London when we were both very sozzled, and the only reason I remember is because I commented on the fact he was wearing wellies, but before I could get his details I was whisked away by a friend of mine who wanted to leave.  It was by shear luck that we met up again a few weeks later in our local pub on new years eve, the '2 Brewers' that we were able to get each others details (or the fact that we are both regulars there).  This time we lost each other early in the night and didn't see each other again until after I got back from all my reminiscing in early March that we finally decided to meet up as friends because at the time he was seeing someone.  If I was to say one thing about this year that has been the absolute highlight, he is it, a friendly, caring, sensitive guy that knows when to mince it up and more importantly when to tone it down as well, oh and did I mention he's also drop dead gorgeous ;).

In early July I found out that my only link to family over here in England is going to be heading back home to Australia in September, its been a grand five years so far living in England and having James and Tania in Brighton for the occasional weekend away, the time to share in the growth of their new family has been a rock for me.  To admit to myself that its going to be hard to lose this connection to family has been the one things I've been denying myself, because the thought of ever going back to Perth and spending the rest of my life there fills me with dread.  Being a gay man in London is fine but being a gay man in city of chav's (Perth, Australia) is a very different beast and one I don't particularly relish.  The one thing I have gotten out of all this so far is the knowledge that I one day want to have my own family, I see only two choices in life, to look into the future and create something grand to leave for those who come behind us, or live in the past reminiscing over things that will never happen again. 

It is with this in mind that Devin and I have made the decision to combine our lives together and move into our own flat, oh and did I mention that I recently resigned from my job and took a position working for BP in London.  I know that 2011 still has four months to go but I've been trying to reconcile the past six months for some time and with the pressure I keep getting from family in Australia to move back I suppose I'm just trying to clear some of the air around what has been a fairly roller coaster year.  The one thing I continue to realize is that life isn't ever clear cut, an answer today my be a problem tomorrow, for the people who continue to ask, I only have answers for the short term and they're all here.. Bx